Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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