We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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