fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.