Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics