____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..