true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.