How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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