i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
