My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
