The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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