Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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