I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
