I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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