My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
