You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
