I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
