But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
