Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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