I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Pappa wants mamma naked
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
