i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
