dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ttyl tear gas
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
