i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
