dude i'm inner monologue high
he shaved USA in his pubs
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
