I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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