I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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