Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
