What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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