dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
