I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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