Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
