we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
