Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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