yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
