need another drink. this is the easiest way
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My ass is underappreciated
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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