Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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