We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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