roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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