**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
