Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
