the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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