get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
