Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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