omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
