hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
