Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i came on her dog
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
