I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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