i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize