he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
