woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
