I just cut my nipple shaving
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
