He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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