he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
