I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
