I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish there were birth control emojis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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