I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
