So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
