..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
