Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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