she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
