so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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