I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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