idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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