u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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