Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
