Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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