You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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