I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
