You smell like stripper and shame
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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