Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
